19 May 2022
Alone and awake and auspiciously taking for granted when the sun rises and lifts us all into lighter bodies. We seem to slip in and out of life itself, asking for a sense of belonging. Are you so deep in denial that you’ve lost sight of the light that brings out the mourning? I often wish I could share my thoughts with an ounce more simplicity but who’s to say this would change anything.
As you learn about life in its granularity, the sky opens wider like a moth’s wings. Unlike the numbness you once lived your entire day undoing, you now notice the moth and that a moment with the sky can save you from your own unbecoming. Inevitably, we still slip in and out of mourning with a hopefulness and heartache that silently consumes our awakening.
You find yourself alive – untethered and undecided, intertwined and insignificant. What does it mean to take up so much space in distress and the denial of it? If we were to leave this skin and land in another body, would our sense of desperation follow or flee? I think I saw loss running away with mourning, but I can never predict where it is they are going.
I never thought I could be so discouraged and delighted at once, so deeply inspired by being. I have never been found so perhaps this is why I keep looking. Sometimes I wonder if a life of longing can become the brightest part of the story.
I ask all these questions, not to find the answers, but to live in the wondering. Here I connect to this kind of discomfort, here I’m grateful for not knowing. Where would we be if we really knew anything and everything knew nothing? I’m not sure these questions are really worth asking but somehow I’m alive in these words and a willful witness to the illusion of self discovery.
Is this where we find transcendence to tranquility?