Memories take a very expensive toll on our future if not handled appropriately. The future can be scary especially with the burden of the past. There are several ways to ease the process and not go mad about it but you’ll have to discover your own.
Remembering (or even realizing) that specific moment that changed you is pretty difficult, it takes a lot of thinking to truly knowing yourself. An easy way of connecting the dots is to keep a journal with a variety of thoughts and extract the keywords; sometimes certain keywords (while under the influence of self-growth) take you back to extremely specific moments that might help you identify and visualize certain feelings.
Recovery and mental growth is a long-term process so the sooner tou begin doing it the sooner you’ll get out of the vicious circle.