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Grief and Loss.
Loss and Grief.
One follows the other surely as night follows day. How dark and how long that night will be - well - that depends doesn’t it…
Death is an indiscriminate force from which nobody escapes - we cope with this construct because we have expectations. There are “norms” to which we hope our lives will conform: our children will die after us, our parents before - and not in untimely or tragic ways, but peacefully after long lives.
My father’s death was sudden but not totally unexpected - he had beaten the odds of not making it to 50 and by leaving us on the golf course at age 75 - we were able to reflect on a full life, well lived. I loved him very much and the pain was dreadful, it took me a year to stop feeling discombobulated and another to fully process it - but time and grief did their jobs and on looking back - it was a pretty “normal” experience.
But what if that isn’t your experience? What if the life you loved was cut short - what if their death was neither timely or peaceful? What do you do then? There is no “normal’ for this - there is no handbook that addresses your very personal set of circumstances. A person’s grief is as unique as the relationship they had with the one they lost and tragic circumstances can make it a very long, very dark and very dangerous process.
And so we cope the best we can, we have communities and counselors to help, we have playlists like this that evoke empathy with music that might resonate with you - where you can hear and see that someone else went through it and perhaps you don’t have to be so alone on your journey.
Mike Bauer wrote such a song about losing his mother - if you know someone in a similar space - it might help…
“My mom was everything... When she unexpectedly passed in 2014 I had a really tough time finding my footing again. This song is the closest I’ve ever come to reflecting a true feeling in the way it sounds. From the vocal line in which I fought back tears throughout recording to the last two voicemails I had left from her introducing and concluding the track. It’s heart-wrenching. It’s very on the nose. But’s honest as hell.
I quietly released it on what would have been her 60th birthday on 03/20/2018... And maybe, just maybe... It will help a listener who has also lost a very special parent grieve.”
You can learn more about Mike Bauer here:
About the Curator - Andrew McCluskey
The first visual memory I have is that of the white upright piano in Singapore, Hell and the dark forces lived at the bottom, Heaven and the Angels at the top. They would play battles through my fingers and I was hooked.
After my dad died I was very sad - I couldn't play for a while and when I did, the music that came out reflected my grieving state. I wrote an album of solo piano music called Music to Grieve to - from which the idea of the Music to community originated.
If you'd like to know more you should read Nicole's fabulous article on why listening to sad music can make you feel better.
Latest Posts
Don’t Give Up – Peter Gabriel
24 September 2022
What’s the point? You ever find yourself asking that? The point of this playlist is to bring succor to people who are grieving. That’s it. We listen to and feature songs that we hope people can resonate with and perhaps elicit a cathartic release – at the very least – to help them feel less alone…
Strange Beauty – First Aid Kit
18 September 2022
It’s still September. We’re still talking about Suicide. We’re doing this because the experts tell us that the more we talk about it – the more we bring it into the open – the less likely it is that people will go through with it. And yet – people still do…
Open Letter – Mr. Phelps
11 September 2022
Yep – if you didn’t know – September is Suicide Awareness Month – it’s also National Suicide Prevention Month and in fact right now – between the 8th and the 14th – it’s actually National Suicide Prevention Week. If you are in any doubt as to the impact suicide has on society – spend a minute here: Suicide Statistics – the rate inches up every year – and as a middle aged white male – well – I’m slap bang in the highest risk group…
Andrew
The first visual memory I have is that of the white upright piano in Singapore, Hell and the Dark Forces lived at the bottom, Heaven and the Angels at the top, they would play battles through my fingers and I was hooked.
As a psychology graduate I studied how sound affects human performance.
As a musician I compose instrumental music that stimulates your brain but doesn't mess with your language centers, leaving you free to write creatively without distraction.
As a curator I research how music can improve your life and create flow - I can tell you what music to listen to when studying for a test and why listening to sad music can make you feel better.
As a creator / contributor at musicto I believe that music can make the world better.
What I'm doing now