Who do you listen to?

Who’s voice sounds like the voice of reason; what does it rhyme with?

You can learn a lot about yourself through paying attention to what you pay attention to. What do you discount? What do you ignore? Take a closer look at the things that pass through your thoughts unhindered, and those that get to stay. Are the things you’re keeping hold of the kinds of things you really wanting knocking around in the cerebral storeroom?

It might feel like you only hang on to the things you believe to be true. Those things might not necessarily be pleasant, you tell yourself, but then again, life isn’t pleasant. It’s a cruel world, so you need to hold onto cruel things to stay grounded.

The thing is, there’s lots of things that are simultaneously true. Truth is rarely objective; the facts of a matter might be, but the appraisal varies wildly with perspective.

I used to think I wasn’t especially good-looking, and I used to compare myself to others (quite harshly I might add). I didn’t believe the people who told me they thought (bolded, because that’s crucial) I was, and assumed that any rejection came from the fact that most didn’t. It came down to the fact that I was only really interested in my own opinion on the matter, and I couldn’t be convinced otherwise.

But it dawned on me that, really that’s not my problem. If you think about it, I’m not the one who has to find me attractive. It’s the person I’m with. Does it matter how I view my own attractiveness, as long as for her, it’s there? I’m probably the only person who doesn’t need to worry about it, because it’s not for me. It’s for someone else.

And there will be plenty for whom it’s not there. That’s okay. It’s not for them either.

Unhealthy fixation on the things we can’t control is a path to a life of torment. Who are you listening to? Are you listening to the ones who are telling you it’s there, or are you making assumptions about those for whom you’re convinced it isn’t?

If you think that the ones who are on board don’t count, there’s work you need to do that comes before any of this. A belief that opinions hold different weights is a failure to understand the nature of an opinion. An opinion is a preference, and is never right or wrong. It’s different from listening to advice; advice most certainly carries weight dependent on the bearer. But if ten different people give you ten different opinions on a given subject, are any of them right? Are any of them wrong? If the subject is ‘what is the best sandwich’, are you really gonna tell Fred that he’s wrong to say it’s a cucumber salad on brown? Sure, it might sound bleak, but if that’s Fred’s jam (incidentally, I reckon jam would actually be a pretty good call), are any of us in any position to tell him he’s wrong? Give the man a break.

Who do you listen to? Do you really like what they have to say? If you don’t, just stop listening.

It’s as simple as that.

Have a bloody lovely day.

Photo by Loreta Pavoliene on Unsplash