From the Up Up Up Up Up Up Album released in 1999, Ani DiFranco looks backward, in order to look forward. I was walking in the vast rainforest / bushland behind my house the other day, and I did that. I came to a crossroad of paths, and I knew, I had to look behind me before I went any further forward. I wanted to see how it would look, if I decided to travel back that same way.
I was 19 when I first heard this, it caught me off guard, the honesty of the lyrics, and you know, that she means it. When I heard her say “I am not angry anymore” I realised that I was, and maybe I didn’t know until then. I wanted to say that though, that I wasn’t angry anymore.
So much water under the bridge. Divide, hurt and anger. So much happens, sometimes we don’t even remember, we just have a feeling that stays.
I have been chipping away at that feeling for years now, to find a way to lessen it, dilute it, and wash it away. Looking backward, until I could see, forcing a change of perspective, developing real empathy, and being brutally honest about my role, in all things.
How do you say to someone, that all that water that mattered so much, for so long, doesn’t matter anymore. That you know, they did the best they could, with what they knew at the time. I will find out soon enough….
I am 37, I am not angry anymore…..Thank you, I love you, please forgive me, I’m sorry.
You can learn more about Ani DiFranco here:
About the Curator: Erin Murray
Erin, a Mother of 1 little man and wife to 1 big man has learnt much about herself in the past few years. After moving from the city to the bush (near the Ocean), there weren’t as many distractions as she had become accustomed to, in a smaller community she lost her anonymity and slowly began to become aware of herself, her feelings, the life she had created for herself and her relationships with others. Seeking change from the feelings and behaviors which had become her normal, she sought out methods to do just that. Slowly at first, then a bit more and a bit more she is becoming aware of what she actually wants for herself and has begun removing the things that aren’t that, inside and out. Learning about faith (not religionJ), fun and how to be gentle with herself and others along the way.