I had such a bizarre experience recently. Unless you're incredibly fortunate, you've probably heard of this little old dating app known as Tinder. I've used it every so often throughout my tenure as a single dude, to varying degrees of 'success', but for the most part I've treated it as a casual novelty that whiles away the time before someone of substance shows up.
It's not that I mean to disparage the whole concept of matching with people who, on the face of, might seem compatible (or at the very least interested in testing out that compatibility), it's just that lately I've been finding the whole thing a little bit... icky.
Let's look at a recent example. I was talking to a lovely-seeming lady for a good couple of days; the conversation was interesting, the vibe was strong, and there seemed like there was a little bit of chemistry bubbling away under the hood. And then one night I decided I didn't really feel like replying, and let the conversation fizzle out and die. Just like that. She hadn't said anything particularly awkward or off-putting, she hadn't become suddenly boring or unappealing, my brain had just decided that it didn't agree with the premise anymore. How rude of it.
What's really sort of disturbing about this whole thing is that you can engage in this act of cold-shouldery without really feeling all that guilty. Cognitively, you're aware that there's a person with real feelings on the other side of the conversation, but there's no visceral connection, no flesh and blood, no true sense of connection - and, crucially, no sense of breakage of that connection.
I think this is really what put me off the whole ordeal - the soulless, faceless messaging of a person who really could be anybody, and yet we invest so much of our energy and even our self-worth into what are essentially just thumbnails and pixel data. There have been times where some kind of event or exchange on a dating app has made me feel a little bit worse about myself, whether that's swiping for ages without a match, or speaking first and getting ignored, or being on the other side of the earlier scenario, and having a seemingly good conversation go cold on you.
These interactions are artificial, orchestrated, manufactured. It's not an authentic way to connect with other human beings, which ironically, is a desire that drives many people (including myself in the past) to get involved in the first place. That's fine though, if you're happy with that transaction, and for a long time I felt I was, but it kind of just hit me the other night that this really isn't for me, and that I'd rather take my chances in the real world, where the real people live, and where real connections are forged.
This week's track resonates with this idea of flirting with risk when it comes to romance, although while my tale has been cautionary, Dangerous is more about revelling in the turbulence inherent in a new relationship, regardless of whether it was cultivated online or in the real world.
However you decide to go about finding that special connection with that special somebody, promise me you'll keep yourself safe, both mentally and physically. The world of love and dating can be a brutal one, let's not make the romantic wasteland any more unforgiving than it needs to be ey?
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About the curator - Matt Jenko
Matt Jenko is a university postgraduate and music producer with an unhealthy obsession with Rick & Morty and all things Game of Thrones. When he’s not in the studio (a rare occurrence these days), he’s fueling his passion for music either on the net or out in the real world. He likes being out in the nature (in the least strenuous capacity though, let’s be real here) and chilling with his cat, and he’s also pretty proud of his mammoth collection of books that he’s never read.
Checkout Matt's project Ellipsis on Spotify and Facebook
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Jewel – Flume
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