Home » Archived Playlists » Music to Grieve to » Song 26 – Callum McIntyre
Why is it so bloody hard at times?
Why do the lessons learned before offer no solutions to the same problems?
Why do you sit there with a laundry list of things to do and yet - you’re stuck - immobile - watching every second tick away and add to the ever increasing mountain of guilt and self loathing and fear.
And pop-psych 101 platitudes don’t help - I’ve done the reading too and none of it applies. I recognize the cycle and if I could only work out how to manage the fall out - how to alleviate the shame of letting people down - I reckon it could be manageable - but I don’t know how to do that yet - and so here we go again on another emotional roller coaster.
I was so deep in the hole that I wasn’t going to publish today - it was just going to be another thing that I could blame myself for - I was looking at the 30 or so tracks that I needed to listen to for the list and just thinking there’s no way I’m ever going to get through this - and just to drive the knife in - I opened this track submission.
And now I’m sitting here grinning - well - somewhere between grinning and crying really - ‘cos you know what the thing is - it’s that - when I’m down - I forget. I forget why I create this list - I forget what its purpose is and why I love - absolutely love - curating it.
It’s because music like this makes me feel fucking better.
There’s just something to the knowledge that someone else feels it the way you do - that you’re not alone with your self defeating behavior - that even if right now you’re in the thick of it - that there’s something - maybe not hopeful but - reassuring perhaps - that another human being out there gets it.
I could go on and on about the track - about Callum’s voice and vocal delivery - about the accessible production and even more resonant lyric - on and on and on indeed… but best perhaps for you to listen for yourself:
The first visual memory I have is that of the white upright piano in Singapore, Hell and the Dark Forces lived at the bottom, Heaven and the Angels at the top, they would play battles through my fingers and I was hooked.
As a psychology graduate I studied how sound affects human performance.
As a musician I compose instrumental music that stimulates your brain but doesn't mess with your language centers, leaving you free to be creative and brilliant without distraction.
As a curator I research how music can improve your life and create flow - I can tell you what music to listen to when studying for a test and why listening to sad music can make you feel better.
As the founder of musicto I’m on a mission to inspire a global audience of music lovers and artists through the development of people powered playlists.
25 September 2021
Why write a song reflecting on the suicide of a beloved friend? Why send it out into the world? What purpose does that serve?
Ever since Gerhardt reached out and sent me this beautiful track, I’ve been reflecting on those questions – and while I don’t have an answer, I have an idea of one…
13 April 2021
I was feeling sad – and I know why, but damn it’s so hard at times.
I’ve sat and watched as circumstance came in and deconstructed my defences one by one – constant pain leading to lack of sleep to lack of writing to lack of self care to lack of confidence to lack of hope to – STOP!
31 March 2021
There’s this idea in life that just because you know a thing it makes it easier to deal with.
Like sitting down with a therapist, driving through your history until you find the behavior that causes you, many years later, to run away from connection or drink too much or insist on cleaning everything 3 times.