I was feeling sad – and I know why, but damn it’s so hard at times.
I’ve sat and watched as circumstance came in and deconstructed my defences one by one – constant pain leading to lack of sleep to lack of writing to lack of self care to lack of confidence to lack of hope to – STOP!
I’m already making changes – for me it’s about identifying the little insidious behaviors that creep in – looking at them honestly and asking myself if this is what I want – and while in rational space it’s always no – it’s so fucking hard when you’re in the middle of it.
But I’m good – I’m cutting out the bad behaviors and recommitting to the good ones – I’m a bit sporadic but that’s better than two weeks ago. The pain is still around and it affects flow but I can manage that – I’m actually feeling good that I was able to fix myself.
I’m in love with this album – Fugitive Light and Themes of Consolation – recommended to me of course by Maria, musicto’s community gardener. I’m hooked on the first track – which is featured here – but if you’re in a reflective state – the whole album is a great accompaniment to working shit out.